⚠️ Disclaimer: Professional outrage ahead. Explicit language, economic heresy, and a full-frontal assault on hypocrisy. Do not read while operating heavy machinery, handling your last $5, or shopping at Walmart. Side effects may include laughter, fury, and the uncontrollable urge to yeet a peanut butter jar through your TV screen.

So there I am, in the grocery store, staring at the peanut butter aisle like it’s a crime scene. Once upon a time—say, last year—a “standard” jar was 18 ounces. Today? Fifteen. Maybe sixteen if you’re lucky. Same price, same jar, same smiling mascot, but the bastard’s been on a diet.

And it’s not just peanut butter. Ice cream tubs have lost their love handles. Coffee bags are shrinking faster than FOTUS’s approval rating. Toothpaste tubes have gone on a hunger strike. Even chips—the one American constant—are now two-thirds air and one-third betrayal.

But fear not, says the Tangerine Traitor! The economy’s great! Grocery prices are down! “I don’t believe those polls that say people are worried about prices,” he boasts.

Of course he doesn’t. When you live in a gold-plated echo chamber, the only thing that costs too much is humility.

Meanwhile, SNAP’s still on life support because he’s holding it hostage in his latest budget tantrum. Picture it: the guy who starves your food benefits while bragging about “cheaper groceries” that come in smaller containers. That’s not leadership—that’s larceny with a nutrition label.

And the sheer arrogance! He struts onto the stage, claiming victory over inflation, waving around Walmart’s “Thanksgiving basket” like it’s the Magna Carta, ignoring that they cut the good stuff—fresh veggies, sweet potatoes, and variety—and replaced it all with boxed mac and cheese. Because nothing says “America First” like powdered cheese and broken promises.

This isn’t a recovery. It’s a slow-motion pickpocketing.

Shrinkflation is corporate greed wrapped in a marketing bow. SNAP cuts are cruelty masquerading as fiscal discipline. And FOTUS? He’s the salesman, grinning while he charges you more for less and tells you it’s patriotic.

So here’s the truth, straight from the grocery aisle: The jar didn’t shrink by accident. The shelves didn’t empty themselves. And when the president tells you prices are falling, check your ounces—because the only thing dropping faster than product size is his respect for the people buying it.

In the end, this isn’t about inflation.

It’s about contempt.

Contempt for the families counting every dime.

Contempt for the workers bagging groceries they can’t afford.

Contempt for the nation he swore to serve but now treats like a clearance rack.

So the next time you open your lighter, smaller, sadder jar of peanut butter—take a long look inside. Because that hollow space? That’s America under Trump 2.0: mostly air, slightly salty, and labeled “New and Improved.”