⚠️ SATIRE DISCLAIMER (Army Edition: Tanks, Tyranny, and Tiny Egos)

 This is a fictional rant in the voice of George Carlin—blunt, profane, unforgiving. If you think a parade is about love of country, not love of your big boy toys, congratulations: you just volunteered for emotional flashbang duty.

🪖 Congratulations, U.S. Army—You’re 250 Years Old (And You’ve Earned Some Gray Hair)

 Let’s start with what’s real: the Army has served its country, defended liberty, and yes—many of its ones and zeros aren’t saboteurs waiting to kill civilians and smile about it. There are soldiers who’ve saved lives, brought aid, pulled people from rubble. They’ve done messy, ugly work—sometimes to protect freedoms, other times sent to screw them up.

But don’t let the day's pageantry blind you to the part of the story you won’t see on that big tent.

🟥 Disgrace #1: The Brownsville Affair (1906)

 Black Buffalo Soldiers stationed at Fort Brown in Texas were framed for killing a bartender they had nothing to do with. One soldier dead—and the Army discharged 167 more without trial. No evidence, no hearings. Lots of prejudiced outrage. Justice only arrived decades later with a posthumous pardon. That wasn’t bravery—that was racist cowardice.

🟥 Disgrace #2: Naming Bases After Confederate Racists Just Yesterday

 On the Army’s 250th anniversary kick-off, the same man throwing tanks down D.C.’s streets—FOTUS—orders military bases renamed for Confederate traitors. Fort Hood becomes Fort Robert E. Lee. That’s not honoring legacy. That’s straight-up white supremacy styled as tradition.

🟥 Disgrace #3: Massacre Covered in Uniform (My Lai, Abu Ghraib, Wounded Knee—and Yeah, We’re Not Past It)

 Picture My Lai, U.S. Army helicopters raining hell on Vietnamese civilians. Wounded Knee, police cavalry gunning down Native Americans in 1890. And Abu Ghraib—American soldiers walking dogs over naked prisoners for better photos. Not rogue units—Army operations. History isn't pretty, but our uniforms carry those stains.

🎪 Now Enter the Party Clown: The “BIG PARADE” for the Army’s 250th… Oh, and Trump’s Birthday

 A military parade isn’t a celebration—it’s public theater. Except when Trump squats in the front row on his birthday. That’s not flag-waving. That’s mic-drop narcissism.

He’s strutting tanks and troops down Constitution Avenue, telling reporters: “Any protesters—even one—will be met with heavy force.” He literally threatened force on his own people in his parade. 

This isn’t democratically rooted patriotism. It’s authoritarian cosplay. Think Stalin or Khrushchev, flexing military muscle so people don’t forget who’s boss. It’s militarism masquerading as party planning.

🚨 No More Kings

 Remember Schoolhouse Rock?

That chirpy little tune from your childhood that stuck in your head longer than the Constitution ever did in your civics teacher’s? Yeah. That one.

“No more kings! We’re gonna run things our own way— Gonna rule ourselves the way we want…”

It was catchy. It was animated. And it was absolutely right.

We didn't overthrow England to trade powdered wigs for spray-tanned autocrats.

 We didn't dump tea in the harbor just to bow to a guy who throws tantrums when the ratings drop.

 We explicitly designed our system to avoid one-man rule—because we knew what happens when you let a single ego run the show: war, corruption, and the eventual royal decree that protests are un-American.

And here we are—250 years later—watching a man who calls himself the “law and order candidate” declare that protest will be met with “heavy force.” Not policy. Not dialogue. Force.

Because in his fantasy, he’s not a president.

 He’s not even a commander-in-chief.

 He’s a king—crowned in red caps and flanked by loyalists who’d rather crush dissent than listen to it.

He deploys troops against protestors.

 He calls people exercising their First Amendment rights a threat to the nation.

 He rewrites his oath of office to say, “Protect me first, then maybe America.”

And when the streets fill with signs saying “No More Kings,” what does he do?

He tries to silence them.

"It's very clear you're being unfair, King
No matter what you say, we won't obey"

Well guess what, Your Majesty?

We're not singing anymore.

We're marching.

 We're organizing.

 We’re remembering what “consent of the governed” actually means.

And that line in the Schoolhouse Rock song? It wasn’t a suggestion. It was a promise:

 "From the shot heard 'round the world
To the end of the Revolution
The continental rabble took the day" 

History doesn't rhyme. It threatens.

 And if this bastard keeps pushing—martial law, Insurrection Act, censorship wrapped in flags—he's gonna learn what it really means when a country full of people remembers they fired the last king on purpose.

So light the lanterns.

 Polish the First Amendment.

 And sing it loud, because this parade of ego ends here:

No more kings.

No more lies.

No more parades for tyrants.

Just people.

 Just power.

 Just the promise we made in 1776—and haven’t broken yet.

🩺 What Comes Next? Martial Law, Insurrection Act, or Just Plain Violence?

 The parade was planned before his birthday—but the timing shifts meaning. He hasn't ruled out invoking the Insurrection Act. Think about that: he holds a parade, threatens force, then gives himself tools to use it.

So what's next?

• Martial law on a whim? Plausible.
• Orders to his flunkies to clear protests violently? Already happening.
• A slip into a public panic so severe no one says "stop"? Not unlikely, if the optic stays strong.

Trump doesn’t respect the Constitution. He regards it as a prop for his stage show. And this parade? It’s the kick-off to the next act of authoritarianism.

🏁 End Scene

 So yeah—Happy 250th, Army. You've done hard work, saved lives, chased enemies.

But this parade?

It's not for you.

 It's for him.

And if you're marching behind a man who calls himself a king, threatens force against your fellow citizens, and rewrites history to glorify traitors... then you're part of a spectacle that's a hell of a lot closer to tyranny than freedom.

We rebelled from kings. We rebelled from armies that served them.

Ask yourself today:

Are we still free... or are we just really good at wishing we were?