🧨 DISCLAIMER (brought to you by Pfizer, Moderna, and the flaming dumpster fire of MAGA logic):
The following rant contains unfiltered common sense, satire sharper than an anti-vaxxer’s cognitive dissonance, and enough side effects to trigger Marjorie Taylor Greene’s panic button. Viewer discretion is advised. Especially if you're RFK Jr., a plastic surgeon with delusions of grandeur, or anyone who thinks injecting kids with saline is “heroic.” Let’s go.
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, patriots and paranoid Facebook uncles—
Welcome to America 2025, where up is down, truth is treason, and you can commit federal fraud in the name of freedom as long as Marjorie Taylor Greene thinks you’re cute.
That’s right—this week, our favorite CrossFit Karen with a congressional badge has decided that a Utah plastic surgeon isn’t a criminal for destroying thousands of dollars in federally provided COVID vaccines…
Nope.
He’s a goddamn HERO.
Why?
Because instead of vaccinating kids, he gave them saline.
You know, the stuff you get in an IV when you’re hungover? That.
He handed out fake vaccine cards, lied to the government, and let parents LARP their way through a global pandemic like it was a theme park ride: “Welcome to Freedomland! Please keep your arms inside the delusion at all times!”
And now? He’s facing 35 years in prison.
Which, by the way, is the bare minimum for impersonating a doctor from a bad QAnon fanfic.
But here comes Marjorie, galloping in on a horse made of ketones and ketamine, screaming,
“This man is a VETERAN! He saved kids from tyranny!”
No, sweetheart.
He didn’t save anyone.
He lied.
He forged documents.
He helped people violate public health laws during a deadly pandemic.
That’s not heroism.
That’s just fraud with an American flag sticker slapped on the side.
And in a twist that surprises exactly NO ONE, Robert F. Kennedy Jr. chimed in too—because nothing says Health and Human Services like the human embodiment of a Reddit thread from 2014.
RFK Jr. said the guy “deserves a medal.”
A MEDAL.
For…not vaccinating children.
For playing God with a syringe of saline.
I mean, Jesus Christ on a ventilator, folks—this is the guy in charge of our nation’s health policy, and he’s handing out hypothetical medals like it’s the goddamn participation trophies of fascist cosplay.
But don’t worry!
The MAGA crowd isn’t stopping there.
They’ve decided that every shred of scientific consensus—every peer-reviewed study, every public health official, every ICU nurse—is part of a giant conspiracy funded by Big Pharma, Soros, Fauci, and, I don’t know, probably Mickey Mouse at this point.
They scream about myocarditis like it's the plague, but ignore that COVID itself is what causes it.
They cry about “experimental vaccines” while slathering their kids in essential oils and ivermectin.
And now they want to let doctors LIE about medical treatments because it “feels” more free.
Let me ask you something:
If I rob a bank and say it was to protect you from inflation, do I get a medal too?
No?
Then shut the hell up.
This isn’t about health.
It’s not about freedom.
It’s about control.
Control of reality.
Control of narrative.
Control of science, data, and truth itself—twisted through the warped lens of grievance politics and ego-fluffing fan service.
So yes, Dr. Moore is on trial.
And yes, RFK Jr. and MTG think he's a patriot.
But I’ll tell you what he really is:
A symbol.
A goddamn cautionary tale.
Because once you decide that laws are optional and facts are inconvenient, the only thing left to inject is chaos.
Welcome to America:
Land of the Free.
Home of the Brave.
And Ground Zero for the world's most weaponized case of saline-induced delusion.
Drop the mic.
Roll the credits.
And make sure the last line says: “Do not resuscitate the stupid.”
