Snarky Disclaimer:

 This performance may contain disturbing scenes of bureaucratic overreach, fascistic cosplay, and offensive metaphors involving vegetables. Viewer discretion is advised. No loyalty oaths, biometric scans, or gold-leafed fealty signatures required—yet.

Let’s talk about what the MAGA machine’s America looks like right now. You know, the big beautiful country they promised to make great again by shoving it headfirst into a wood chipper.

We start in the fields—where food comes from, remember that?

 Agriculture Secretary Brooke “Who Needs a Soul Anyway” Rollins announced that undocumented workers won’t be protected anymore. Nope. Instead, it’s “100% American participation,” like we’re fielding a goddamn Olympic team of lettuce pickers. And how do we achieve that? Easy! You fire the immigrants and yell at people on Medicaid until they magically become farmhands!

Because nothing says economic genius like blaming people already living in poverty for not enthusiastically signing up to break their backs picking strawberries for $3.15 an hour and no healthcare. These folks are sick, poor, disabled, elderly, or, you know—already working two jobs. But that doesn’t fit the narrative, so instead we get “they’re lazy, automate the tomatoes, and let’s turn the fields into a patriotic episode of Squid Game.”

And while we’re harvesting hypocrisy, let’s talk surveillance.

DNI Tulsi Gabbard—you remember Tulsi, right? The candidate no one voted for but somehow got promoted to America’s personal Big Sister—has decided the real problem with our Intelligence Community isn’t Russian spies, Chinese hackers, or internal chaos. No, it’s people who don’t love Dear Leader enough. So she’s trying to dig through private emails and chat logs to ferret out disloyalty.

Let me be clear: when your intelligence services are purging people based on vibe checks and MAGA horoscopes instead of actual counterintelligence risks, you’re not running a security agency.

 You’re hosting a cult audition.

But wait—why stop with the feds? If you’re going to run the country like a banana republic, you might as well start planting flags in the cities you hate. That’s right, El Presidente Trumpito is now floating the idea of taking over New York City and D.C. if the people there elect mayors he doesn’t like.

“We could run D.C.,” he says. “So proper.”

 Yeah, like a Taco Bell franchise in a Category 5 hurricane.

What does “proper” mean to this guy?

 Gold leaf on the goddamn ceiling.

 Loyalty pledges for traffic cops.

 And replacing the city council with a Mar-a-Lago karaoke night.

That’s not governance. That’s what happens when a failed landlord takes ayahuasca and mistakes SimCity for a real job.

So what do we have?

A nation where your vegetables are going to rot in the ground because we’d rather deport the labor force than admit immigrants are human.

 A government that’s hunting its own employees for not smiling enough at the Glorious Orange Throne.

 And a president who thinks the answer to democracy is a hostile municipal takeover and a fresh coat of Trump-branded wallpaper.

This isn’t leadership.

 It’s franchise fascism—the MAGA menu of fear, force, and fried bullshit.

Welcome to the America they want:

 Where dissent is betrayal.

 Where labor is punishment.

 Where cities fall if they vote the wrong way.

 And where surveillance is freedom—as long as the right people are watching.

It’s not just wrong.

 It’s not just un-American.

 It’s fucking dangerous.

 And they’re doing it on purpose.