Satire, folks. We’re not condemning Israel as a state, the Jewish people, or the idea that Arabs and Jews can be neighbors without shooting each other. We’re condemning two corrupt political fossils—Netanyahu and Trump—and pointing out that lasting peace is impossible if Palestinians keep letting Hamas run their lives like a death cult.

You ever watch two guys who should be in prison start talking like they’re divvying up beachfront property?

Bibi’s out here floating his plan to occupy Gaza—forever. Not rebuild. Not reconcile. Occupy. Permanent boots, permanent checkpoints, permanent excuses for why the peace that was “just around the corner” somehow died in traffic.

And then our Felon of the United States—the orange blimp himself—pipes up about “Mar-a-Gaza.” Like it’s a fucking branding opportunity. You can see the pitch now: bombed-out Mediterranean chic, with a golf course where the hospital used to be.

This isn’t peace. This isn’t even politics. This is real estate speculation with airstrikes.

And the way they sell it? They wrap it in “security.” Oh, you’re not buying condos in occupied territory, no—you’re investing in freedom. You’re defending “civilization.” Which is rich, coming from a guy (Bibi) who can’t even defend his own government from collapsing without bribing half the Knesset, and another guy (Trump) who defends civilization by bankrupting it and selling the fixtures.

Here’s the dirty little symmetry they don’t want you to notice:

• Both of them are fighting for their political lives.
• Both are staring down corruption charges that make Al Capone look like a fucking jaywalker.
• Both know nothing distracts from your rap sheet like a war you promise will never end.

And what’s the cost? Generations of Israelis and Palestinians growing up with walls, soldiers, and the kind of hopelessness that breeds extremists on both sides. Bibi’s corruption guarantees Hamas recruitment videos for decades. Trump’s corruption guarantees Americans footing the bill while pretending it’s humanitarian aid.

The only way out—the only shot at a peace that doesn’t have an expiration date—is for Palestinians to throw Hamas into the trash where it belongs, and for Israelis to throw Bibi out of office before he trades away their morality for another fucking term. But you won’t hear that from either of these guys.

Because in their world, peace isn’t profitable.

And Gaza? Gaza’s just the next “location, location, location.”