⚠️ SNARKY DISCLAIMER

This is satire. Brutal, lawful, historically literate satire. If your primary sources are Truth Social memes and campaign merch, you might want to sit this one out. Everyone else, welcome to the tribute nobody asked for.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, we present the next act in America’s slow-motion authoritarian cosplay—an official GOP bill to erase John F. Kennedy’s name from the nation’s performing arts center and slap Donald J. Trump’s face on it instead.

That's right.

They’re renaming the Kennedy Center—a monument to the arts, diplomacy, and American cultural legacy—after a guy best known for yelling “You’re fired!” on reality television and getting fired by voters in real life.

This is part of what they’re calling the Make Entertainment Great Again Act—or MEGA, because of course it is.

A bill so fragile, it might as well have been written on the back of Trump’s ego with a Sharpie and a diet pill.

The man who called art “woke,” who tried to cancel Hamilton, who defunded public broadcasting, is now their cultural icon.

Why? Because he once hosted Snoop Dogg and Omarosa in the same episode.

Groundbreaking.

Meanwhile, John F. Kennedy—who raised $30 million to build the Center, who made the arts a pillar of American identity, and who, oh right, got his head blown off in public for trying to move the country forward—is being erased so that Trump can wallpaper another building with his name like a third-tier steakhouse.

And it’s not the first time.

These are the same Republicans who tried to:

• Rename the D.C. Metro the Trump Train
• Print $250 bills with his portrait
• Carve his face into Mount Rushmore—because nothing says humility like chiseling your own face next to Lincoln’s and then suing the park for merch rights.

They’re not building statues anymore—they’re rebranding the Republic.

And don’t forget the gardening crimes.

In 2020, Melania Trump took a metaphorical weedwhacker to Jackie Kennedy’s Rose Garden, ripping out decades of history—trees, diversity, and soul—so she could make it look like a funeral parlor parking lot.

 A garden once designed as a living symbol of growth and diplomacy was reduced to a beige photo op backdrop.

No more color.

No more history.

Just blank space for a First Lady who smiled once and had it trademarked.

And if you thought that was petty, welcome to the main course.

Because Trump isn’t satisfied unless every wall, every bill, every building, every metaphor is engraved with his name.

It’s not governing. It’s branding.

The cult of the unthanked martyr.

This is a man who has publicly whined for years that he never got a Nobel Peace Prize.

And not just once.

Multiple rallies. Multiple speeches.

“I made peace in the Middle East,” he says—while arming Saudi Arabia and throwing Kurds under a tank.

Meanwhile, the actual peace he claims? Fell apart like a dollar store drone strike.

But facts don’t matter.

What matters is he wasn’t thanked.

And that’s the real theme here: gratitude by legislation.

If Trump doesn’t get applause, the GOP just passes a bill to rename something.

 If he doesn’t get honored, they scrub someone else’s legacy off the wall.

They treat historical contributions like they’re dry-erase boards at Mar-a-Lago happy hour.

And what does it say about your party when your strategy for honoring the present is erasing the past?

FINAL THOUGHT?

They can bulldoze Jackie’s garden.

They can whitewash JFK’s legacy.

They can rename theaters, cities, even the goddamn sky.

But they can’t change the truth:

Donald Trump is not a cultural icon.

He’s a branding accident with a WiFi password.

And the more they try to sanctify him with public landmarks, the more obvious it becomes:

You can rename the Kennedy Center…

 …but you can’t un-write the history that Trump’s legacy will rot inside.