⚠️ SNARKY LEGAL DISCLAIMER

 This is satire, loud and profane, protected by what’s left of the First Amendment. If you still think “other countries pay our tariffs,” you may be entitled to financial compensation—from yourself.

Alright, Jimmy MAGA, gather ‘round. Here’s the trick: they slap a tariff on imports, the importer pays it at the port, then every link in the chain marks it up like a church bake sale run by loan sharks. By the time it hits your cart, it’s a national sales tax dressed like a flag pin. You don’t see it on the receipt—because it’s baked into the price. That’s the scam. It’s a stealth VAT without the honesty of a line item.

And while you’re high-fiving over “winning,” your grocery tab is sneaking up the back stairs with a crowbar. Cars, beer, appliances, tools, tires—everything with a passport costs more. Meanwhile your paycheck is playing dead like a possum on I-95. Companies don’t eat costs. They pass them to you and call it patriotism.

Now the kicker: those 2017 tax cuts your favorite grifters keep promising to “extend”? The real juice goes to the folks who already have a valet for their yacht. Top earners keep the gravy; middle earners get a coupon; lower earners get a shrug. And by the time the sunsets hit, a lot of you are right back where you started—except prices are higher and the “savings” got vacuumed up by tariffs you were told Mexico, China, or the Tooth Fairy would pay.

So what do we have here? You’re paying a hidden sales tax at the door, while the rich keep the tax-cut dessert tray in the VIP lounge. You get the privilege of “Made in America” speeches while the bill shows up at Walmart. You’re told tariffs will fix trade deficits—newsflash: the deficit is math, not morality. We buy more than we make. You can’t tariff your way out of a mirror.

And please stop with “tariffs cause inflation” or “tariffs don’t cause inflation.” Here’s the part nobody wants to say on stage: tariffs don’t decide the overall price level, but they do decide which prices go up for you. You pay more for the imported stuff, so you’ve got less for everything else. It’s not macro voodoo; it’s your credit card crying for help.

Jobs? Tariffs don’t resurrect factories. They strangle small importers, punch supply chains in the throat, and dare you to clap. Some businesses will close, some will leave, and the big guys will get bigger. You’ll see “Now Hiring” signs vanish the second the math stops working. But hey—at least a politician got a chant out of it.

Here’s your scoreboard, no chaser: tariffs are a tax you don’t see, and the tax cuts you cheer aren’t built for you. You’re footing both sides of the tab while billionaires play both sides of the bet. That’s not policy; that’s a magic trick where your wallet disappears and the rabbit gets a lobbyist.

So stop applauding your own mugging. The tariff man isn’t a bouncer; he’s the pickpocket. The tax-cut salesman isn’t Santa; he’s running a layaway scam with your future. You think you’re owning the libs? Buddy, you’re leasing your life from the people who own you.

It’s FAFO, tariffs-and-taxes edition. You F’d around with fairy tales; now you get to find out at the register.