🚨 SATIRE DISCLAIMER—NOW WITH EXTRA JUDICIAL TEETH

This is stand-up satire in George Carlin’s snarling voice—truth bombs, profanity, and post‑9/11 New York attitude. If you can’t handle that, maybe don’t keep reading.

So MAGA sees Zohran Mamdani win because New Yorkers said “fuck your establishment bros.”

They lost their goddamn minds, calling it a “9/11 threat,” brandishing Mamdani’s Muslim identity like he’s about to light the skyline on fire.

Loomer, Kirk, Stefanik, Cruz—they’re preaching fear like they invented it.

They’re not scared of his ideas. They’re scared he’s not them.

Let me break it down with a little New York truth: I lived through 9/11.

I loved the city—gunned down the streets, drank its coffee, cursed its subways.

 When the towers fell, we weren’t thinking “Let’s use this to smear a guy for breathing.”

We were thinking: “We’re fucked—but not done.”

I remember saying on stage at the Beacon in November 2001: “You gotta mention it before you move on.”

Because if you don’t deal with that elephant in the room, the fear wins .

But MAGA’s using 9/11 now like a weapon—to freeze New Yorkers who still live in those streets.

They want to replace policy with panic, community with conspiracy, democracy with dystopia.

Here’s the scene again:

Mamdani wins.

MAGA screams “9/11!”

Why? Because calling him a terrorist is easier than arguing housing policy.

This isn’t critique—that's news coverage.

This is panic porn cloaked in post‑9/11 grief.

They're not worried about bombs—they’re worried about representation.

Here’s what I say, mic in hand, smog in the air:

You call Mamdani a Muslim terror threat—tell me, what do you call real terror? Campaign lies? Gerrymandered districts? Politicians selling fear like junk? If the first thing you think of is 9/11, not subway fares or rent costs, you’re not thinking—you’re panicking.

And then:

Here’s the news: Mamdani didn’t bomb anything. He won a primary. That’s democracy—not destruction.

So go ahead, MAGA—cry “9/11!”

It won’t scare the city.

It’ll remind us of why we’re not scared.

The day New Yorkers let fear pick the mayor is the day we’ve lost ourselves, not win the vote.

Final word?

They didn’t just say Mamdani won—they said America died again.

But if calling a diverse, policy‑driven candidate a terror threat is your strategy, you’re the real enemy of democracy.

We survived 9/11.

We won’t survive authoritarian bullshit if it passes for patriotism.

Good night. Long live New York. And may our votes never be afraid.