⚠️ SATIRE DISCLAIMER (Standard Issue, Privacy Not Included):

 This is a fictional rant in the unmistakable voice of George Carlin, written as political satire. If you're a cop with a license plate reader and a God complex, buckle the fuck up.

George Says: “WELCOME TO TEXAS—WHERE YOUR WOMB HAS A GPS TRACKER AND YOUR RIGHTS HAVE AN EXPIRATION DATE.”

So now the cops in Texas have decided that your uterus is a crime scene and your license plate is probable cause.

 You hear about this shit?

 They tracked down a woman—not for robbing a bank, not for murder—for having a fucking abortion.

How?

 With a nationwide license plate reader network.

 That’s right.

 83,000 cameras across the country, and they used it to hunt down a woman because she had the nerve—the audacity—to manage her own health care without government permission.

George says: If you need a car to flee a red state, congratulations—you’re not a citizen, you’re a fugitive from Christian nationalism.

They’re calling it “public safety.”

 Public safety my ass.

 You wanna talk about safety?

 How about women not bleeding out in bathtubs because they’re afraid to call a hospital?

 How about not getting arrested for crossing a state line with a fucking Midol?

This isn’t policing. This is fucking witch-hunting—with AI.

You think it stops there?

 You think it’s just about abortion?

No, sweetheart.

They’re building the blueprint.

Today it’s abortion.

 Tomorrow it’s birth control.

 Then it's who you’re fucking, what you’re reading, what church you’re not going to, and whether you shared a rainbow emoji during Pride.

They’ll call it “moral hygiene” and “protecting the unborn.”

 But really?

 It’s about owning you.

Your phone? Tracked.

 Your period app? Tracked.

 Your license plate? Fucking tracked.

 Next up? RFID in your IUD.

George says: This isn’t dystopia. This is America running beta tests for The Handmaid’s Tale.

And they always say, “Well, if you’re not doing anything wrong, you’ve got nothing to worry about.”

Fuck. That.

That’s the battle cry of fascists and cowards.

 You know who said that shit?

 The same people who burned books, arrested dissidents, and built walls around freedom and called them security fences.

You want safety?

 Try giving people rights.

 You want order?

 Try letting women make their own goddamn decisions without running a plate scan like she’s an escaped felon in a fucking Dodge Neon.

George out.

 And if you think this is about protecting life—you better start asking whose.

 Because it sure as hell isn’t hers.