⚠️ SATIRE DISCLAIMER (Now with 90% Less Education and 100% More White Guilt Denial!):

This is a fictional stage rant in the unmistakable voice of George Carlin, written as political satire. If you're one of those people who hears “tribal college” and thinks “waste of taxpayer money,” I suggest you go take a remedial history class—and maybe learn how to read a treaty while you're at it.📰
 
🎤 [Stage lights up. George is already pissed, already pacing.]
So NOW they’ve decided we don’t need tribal colleges anymore?
POOF—gone.
Whack—funding slashed.
BOOM—good luck, kids.
Oh, it’s not enough that this country spent centuries stealing land, breaking treaties, and boarding up Native kids like they were old furniture—no no no! Now we’re cutting off the schools too. Because apparently, education is too woke if it doesn’t come with a white picket fence and a statue of Andrew Jackson out front.
And the excuse? “Budget tightening.”
Right. Funny how the budget only tightens around someone else’s neck.
Because we’re still cutting fat checks for billionaires, still subsidizing oil spills, still building tanks we don’t need for wars we haven’t started yet—but sure, let’s tell the Cherokee, Lakota, Hopi, and every other sovereign nation we shoved onto reservations, “Sorry, kids, you’re on your own.”
This isn’t a budget move.
It’s a muzzle.
It’s “Shut the hell up, sit in the dark, and don’t ask for a future.”
They’re afraid.
Afraid that if Indigenous kids actually learn their history, they’ll stop playing along with the fantasy that America was ever great for them.
Afraid of what happens when marginalized people get smart, organized, and angry.
Because education? That’s dangerous.
An educated Native kid? That’s a revolution with legs.
So what’s the plan?
Close the colleges. Gut the grants.
Send them a stack of rejection letters wrapped in a red, white, and blue ribbon.
Maybe toss in a gas station job app and a “thoughts and prayers” card while you’re at it.
George out.
And if you think this is about saving money,
you’ve already been dumbed down enough to qualify for the budget cuts.