⚠️ SATIRE DISCLAIMER:
This is a fictional stage-style rant written in the voice of the late comedian George Carlin, intended for satirical and political commentary. It does not reflect the actual views or words of George Carlin, and is not affiliated with his estate or likeness. The views expressed are fictional, exaggerated for comedic and rhetorical effect, and not meant as literal claims.
🎤 [George on stage. One eyebrow cocked. Arms crossed. Leaning into the mic like it owes him money.]
So let’s rewind to January 20, 2025.
FOTUS takes office, and before the Bible’s even cold from the oath, the administration hits the ground sprinting— not to fix inflation, not to feed the hungry, not to rebuild crumbling schools— no, no.
They go to war with the LGBTQ+ community.
First salvo? Executive Orders. Boom. Bans on rainbow flags in federal buildings.
Healthcare protections for trans people? Gone.
Housing discrimination guidelines? Axed.
Education Department told to scrub inclusive curriculum like it’s radioactive.
And let’s not forget the attempt to erase “gender identity” from every federal definition like it was a typo.
You think I’m exaggerating?
They literally created a task force to “protect children from gender ideology.”
And by protect, they mean criminalize, marginalize, and terrorize.
And then came the prisons.
January 30—the Executive Order from Hell:
“No gender-affirming care for transgender inmates.”
No hormones.
No therapy.
Just rot in your assigned-at-birth misery, locked in the wrong body and the wrong cell.
Because if you're trans and incarcerated in Trump’s America?
You don't deserve medical care. You deserve punishment.
But then—ahh, here comes the good part.
In rides Judge Royce Lamberth.
And let’s be clear—this guy ain’t exactly waving a rainbow flag from the bench.
Reagan appointee. Conservative. Old school.
But even he saw the stinking pile of fascist garbage this executive order was.
And he said, “Not today, Sparky.”
Blocked it.
Preliminary injunction.
Because denying people necessary medical care just to score political points is CRUEL and UNUSUAL PUNISHMENT.
That’s right—Eighth Amendment, baby.
Still alive. Still kicking.
And still the best “fuck you” to authoritarian cruelty we’ve got.
The FOTUS admin? They didn’t even study the impact of the order.
Didn’t consider the medical consequences.
Didn’t ask doctors.
Didn’t ask mental health experts.
They just rubber-stamped a culture war fantasy and threw it at the wall.
And now the wall threw it back.
George out.
And listen—when a Reagan judge tells you you’ve gone too far?
You’re not governing.
You’re throwing a tantrum with legal stationery.
And this time, the grown-ups said “NO.”
