Disclaimer: This isn’t justice, it’s George Carlin watching Law & Order in a funhouse mirror. If you thought courts were about evidence and fairness, sit down. This is political retribution on tap, and the keg is orange.

Here’s how the clown show works.

First, Erik Siebert—career prosecutor, Trump’s own pick—gets told: “Go nail Letitia James, go nail Comey, go nail Schiff.” Siebert looks at the evidence and says, “There isn’t any.” That’s the job, folks. You don’t indict unless you can prove it beyond a reasonable doubt. DOJ rules, centuries of precedent, all that “rule of law” crap. So Siebert does the honorable thing: he refuses. And because this is Trumpworld, refusing means you’re either fired or forced to quit. He resigns Friday night. By Saturday morning, FOTUS is on social media screaming, “He didn’t quit, I fired him!”

Enter Lindsey Halligan. Not a prosecutor. Not even close. She’s an insurance lawyer. You heard me: homeowner policies, water damage, maybe a car accident. And suddenly she’s in charge of the Eastern District of Virginia—the office that handles more national security cases than anywhere else in the damn country. Why? Because she used to be Trump’s personal attorney. Which means she already knows how to breathe through his ass without choking.

Her own prosecutors hand her a memo: “We looked. There’s nothing here. Not enough to indict, not enough to convict, not even enough to open the door to the grand jury room.” That’s the system saying STOP. But Trump’s tiny orange hand is jammed so far up her backside he can wiggle her fingers. And what does she do? Marches off to the grand jury anyway, vowing to get an indictment against James Comey. Against advice. Against evidence. Against reality.

That’s not law. That’s not order. That’s dictatorship cosplay.

Trump isn’t even hiding it. He posts: “What about Comey, Schiff, Letitia??? We can’t delay any longer, JUSTICE MUST BE SERVED, NOW!!!” Translation: “I was impeached, I was indicted, I want payback.” He doesn’t want convictions. He wants headlines. He wants mugshots of his enemies. He wants to weaponize the courts like Beria under Stalin: “Show me the man, I’ll find you the crime.”

And while all this farce unfolds, the Eastern District—the crown jewel of U.S. national security prosecutions—is paralyzed. Terrorism cases? Cybercrime? Espionage? Sorry, too busy chasing Trump’s grudges.

This isn’t America First. This is Trump First. Justice Last.