⚠️ Satire Disclaimer: This rant is brought to you by the spirit of George Carlin, reanimated for educational, sarcastic, and facepalming purposes. If you’re offended, congratulations—you still feel something.

FOTUS pulls so much shit, it’s easy to forget the other imbeciles clinging to his soiled diapers like barnacles on a flaming garbage barge. And at the very top of the rotten heap? Marjorie Taylor Greene, the lovechild of Alex Jones, a push broom, and a Men’s Rights subreddit.

Let’s take a little tour through her latest brainwave: a fast-tracked citizen-only census that would toss out every non-citizen from the count. Not only would that be unconstitutional—it’s also what happens when your brainstem’s been replaced by a bottle rocket. The Constitution says “whole number of persons,” not “people Marge likes.” But MTG and her crayon-wielding pals think if they scribble hard enough in Sharpie, they can just delete reality.

And of course, who’s behind her squeaky baby-bird brain this time? FOTUS himself, flapping his gums with approval like a drunken yard gnome who thinks gerrymandering is a birthday party game.

But wait, that’s not the whole freakshow. While real adults are worrying about climate, poverty, and whether fascism is making a comeback tour, MTG is raffling off belt-fed weapons on the Fourth of July. Because nothing says “land of the free” like donating to win a war toy while the parks are falling apart and the veterans go hungry.

She’s also doing a little dance with the stock market—dumping hundreds of thousands into tech and retail stocks just before FOTUS’s tariffs magically didn’t happen. But don’t worry! She says her advisors handled it. I guess “advisors” is what we’re calling Tarot cards and Reddit threads now.

And just when you think she’s too busy cosplaying as a discount Sarah Connor, she’s yelling about Sharia law, claiming Muslim women are going to tear down America by… existing, apparently. The Statue of Liberty in a burqa? Lady, the only thing smothering liberty is your unhinged need to be on camera 24/7.

Let’s not forget her greatest hits:

 QAnon karaoke night. Jewish space lasers. Calling the vaccine a “needle rape campaign.” Screaming at teenagers who survived school shootings. And my personal favorite: sponsoring anti-trans bathroom bills like she’s on a one-woman mission to eradicate plumbing.

This isn’t leadership. This is performance rage wrapped in tinfoil, dipped in gun oil, and sold for $29.99 on a livestream while the American Dream burns in the background.

She’s not representing the people. She’s representing whatever bubbling ooze dripped out of Facebook’s worst comment section and found its way onto a ballot.

So yeah. FOTUS may be the flaming turd in the center ring—but MTG is out here juggling grenades in clown shoes, hoping nobody notices her pants are on fire.