⚖️ LEGAL DISCLAIMER (Because George Can’t Testify and Neither Can I):

 The following is a satirical commentary written in the voice and style of the late George Carlin. It does not represent the views of the Carlin estate, any judicial entity, or the U.S. government (which—let’s face it—barely knows what it’s doing half the time anyway). Contains strong language, stronger opinions, and a complete lack of tolerance for hypocrisy. Viewer discretion advised. Offended parties may file their grievances under “F” for “Forget it.” 

🎤 GEORGE CARLIN ON TRUMP, CONTRACTS, AND SELECTIVE MEMORY

Contracts.

 You ever notice how the people who shout the loudest about law and order are the first ones to wipe their ass with a signed agreement?

Let me tell you something: a contract is a promise wrapped in paper and soaked in lawyers. It says, “I agree to do this thing, and you agree to do that thing,” and then—this part is important—you fucking do it.

But not in TrumpWorld, baby.

 In TrumpWorld, a contract is like a salad at a steakhouse.

 It’s there to make the table look legit while you dig into something greasy, bloated, and morally questionable.

This is the same guy who’s been sued for breach of contract more times than he's been married.

 The same guy who stiffs plumbers, screws contractors, then says, “They didn’t do a good job.”

 Meanwhile, the toilet's exploding like a Jackson Pollock painting.

And now his ghostly policy footprint is smearing due process like ketchup on the wall—ICE and DHS yanking people out of the country mid-appeal, middle finger flying high, while muttering, “Eh, it’ll all work out in the end.”

BUT GUESS WHAT?

 Two Trump-picked judges just said:

"No, you arrogant bastards. You don’t get to ‘skip to the end.’ You go through the goddamn process.”

It’s poetic.

 Trump’s entire life is built on ignoring the fine print, and now?

 Now the judges he put on the bench are handing the fine print back with a note that says:

“READ THIS, YOU SLOB.”

Because it turns out even Trump’s own judicial flunkies can’t stomach watching the government screw over some poor bastard after signing a settlement.

 Because if you can’t keep a promise to the people you deport, what the hell makes you think you’re keeping one to your citizens?

This isn’t about immigration.

 It’s about integrity.

 And if you can’t spell that word without rolling your eyes, then congratulations—you’ve got a bright future in Washington.