⚠️ SNARKY DISCLAIMER

This is satire. Angry, profane, legally shielded by the First Amendment, and fueled by the sweet nectar of authoritarian face-plants. If you’re allergic to schadenfreude, duck and cover, because today the tangerine tyrant and his Florida lapdog got kneecapped by karma.

What a goddamn day.

First, Florida. Ron DeSantis, the pint-sized dictator cosplayer, decided that the best way to honor the 49 murdered at Pulse nightclub was to… erase their rainbow crosswalk. Painted over. Scrubbed like history in a Soviet photo album. Not some random rainbow either—the one outside Pulse itself. The one that stood as a tribute to the dead. And he did it in the middle of the night. Because even DeSantis knows he’s a coward when the lights are on.

It’s cruelty for cruelty’s sake. Petty, performative, and grotesque. Nothing says “family values” like desecrating a memorial to the victims of a hate crime.

Then—oh, this is sweet—the crown jewel of their cruelty, Alligator Alcatraz, got shut down by a federal judge. Remember that? The swamp-side detention camp built in eight days, with chain-link cages, tents, and actual alligators as “guards”? Trump flew down there and giggled about how the gators would keep migrants in line. Well, Judge Kathleen Williams just told them to pack up their cages, their spotlights, and their sewage pipes. The “model” for the future of immigration detention is now a pile of scrap metal sinking back into the Everglades.

And you know what? Good. Because you can’t run a constitutional democracy on sadism and swamp water.

But wait—third course. The case of Kilmar Ábrego García. Wrongfully deported, tortured in El Salvador’s hellhole prison, dragged back to the U.S., and slapped with bullshit charges just to shut him up. Well, today a judge said “enough.” Kilmar is free. Headed back to his wife and kids in Maryland. Meanwhile, Trump and his goons look like thugs caught planting drugs on a traffic stop.

So let’s tally it up:

— Desecrating LGBTQ+ memorials? Check.

 — Building concentration camps with reptiles for guards? Check.

 — Wrongfully deporting a father of two and calling him a gangster? Check.

 — Getting humiliated in court, in public, all on the same day? Check, check, check.

This is what happens when your whole governing philosophy is spite and graft. You paint over rainbows, you lock up innocents, you weaponize grief—and eventually the courts, the communities, and even Mother Nature (double rainbow over Pulse, anyone?) turn around and tell you to go fuck yourself.

Trump calls this “law and order.” I call it “losing in stereo.”

And the best part? You know FOTUS is rage-tweeting from his gold-plated toilet right now, choking on Big Mac crumbs, screaming about communists painting sidewalks while Stephen Miller drafts plans for Gator Camp 2.0.

Here’s your reminder, folks: fascism doesn’t fall in one big kaboom. It stumbles, trips, and faceplants, one absurd cruelty at a time. And today? It slipped on rainbow chalk and landed face-first in alligator shit.

Mic drop.