⚠️ SATIRE DISCLAIMER (NOW WITH EXTRA TELEVISION THERAPY!)

 This is a fictional rant in the snarling voice of George Carlin. If you think nuclear strikes should be directed by cable news ratings, this might get uncomfortable. Side effects may include disbelief, horror, and smelling the ashes of global credibility.

So let me get this straight.

Trump sits on the couch, remote in one hand, comfort drink in the other, watching Fox News go full-on war porn because Israel bombed some Iranian nuclear sites.

He sees the ratings spike. He hears the applause from pundits.

And he thinks, “Hey! I want a slice of that!”

So he orders 12 Massive Ordnance Penetrator bombs lined up—just in case we need to outdo the playlist.

But here’s the kicker:

There’s no new intelligence.

 No path to a nuclear weapon suddenly discovered.

 Just a TV show he wanted to be part of.

He flips the switch anyway—three bombs over three sites—and then struts into public view declaring he “obliterated” them.

“OBLITERATED.”

 Like he’s starring in his own action film, with credits rolling and missiles doing special effects.

And when Iran hits back?

He screws up his face like a spoiled kid who just got splashed in the sandbox and squeals,

“Oh, they responded? Well we just barely intercepted them—WE’RE SUPERIOR! NO AMERICANS HARMED!”

Then—because no performance is complete without a final act—he does the world a favor with his version of diplomacy:

“IT’S TIME FOR PEACE!”

But not through negotiation. Not through diplomacy.

 No, he just declares a ceasefire—unilaterally, publicly, and without telling Iran.

Iran?

 They go, “What ceasefire?”

 Because nobody told them they were in Trump’s fantasy finale.

And when missiles kept flying—when Israel didn’t stop, when Iran didn’t stop—

FOTUS got angry.

Angry that the cast wasn’t following the script he never gave them.

 Angry that reality refused to act like one of his old TV episodes where everything wraps up in 44 minutes with commercial breaks.

Here’s the brutal truth:

He doesn’t care about strategy, intelligence, or consequences.

 He cares about a TV-friendly snapshot: screens, sounds, applause lines.

 He wants to be seen as decisive—not because he’s serious, but because it plays well on camera.

That’s not leadership.

That’s vanity politics with a warhead.

Final word?

If policy is theater and action is social media bait—then we’re playing with fire on live TV.

And when the credits roll, we’ll realize the real damage wasn’t done by bombs.

It was done by letting cable ratings dictate nuclear decisions, and by putting a man in charge who thought global conflict could be solved with a catchphrase and a ceasefire nobody agreed to.

Good night. And good luck.