Disclaimer: This ain’t about literacy, it’s about lunacy. If you came for a book club, go sip Chardonnay with Oprah. If you came to see how censorship looks when it’s run by morons with crayons, welcome to Florida.

Florida wants the crown. They’re not satisfied with gators, hurricanes, and bad meth tattoos. No, they’re gunning for the gold medal in Dumbfuckistan, USA. And their event of choice? Book banning.

Here’s the rule: no study, no proof, no expertise required. Don’t like a book? Boom—gone. All you need is a “concern.” Hell, they’ll give you a pre-filled form. Check a couple boxes, doesn’t matter which, doesn’t matter if they’re true. Gay content? Pornographic themes? Mentions slavery? Doesn’t matter. The bureaucrats will do the rest. Out it goes.

Seven hundred titles and counting. Classics, bestsellers, cultural touchstones—flushed down the swamp. Slaughterhouse-Five, The Handmaid’s Tale, The Bluest Eye, even Anne Frank in some districts. Doesn’t matter how many kids learned empathy, history, or critical thought from them. Doesn’t matter if they’re assigned reading in most of the civilized world. Florida’s decided that ignorance builds character.

And the irony? These same dumb bastards scream day and night that teachers are “indoctrinating” their kids. Indoctrination! Woke brainwashing! Meanwhile, what are they doing? Handing out state-sponsored censorship kits like happy meals. Indoctrination isn’t bad—it’s just bad when teachers do it. When the state does it, it’s “freedom.”

This isn’t protecting kids. This isn’t parental rights. This is weaponizing fragile egos against literature. It’s dumbing down schools on purpose. It’s censorship writ small, so even the idiots can understand it.

Don’t like a book? Don’t read it. But banning it for everyone else? That’s not education. That’s authoritarian daycare. And Florida’s proud to lead the class.