Legal Disclaimer: This is a satirical commentary in the style of George Carlin. If you’re wearing body armor to a school board meeting, this isn’t a personal attack. It’s a civic intervention. If you think the Bill of Rights is a buffet and the only amendment worth defending starts with “the right to bear,” grab a plate — we’re serving irony tonight. And if you’re in ICE’s new armored division polishing your “peacekeeping” tank, don’t worry — I’ll be gentle. I know how fragile fascists can be when someone reads the Constitution out loud.

They keep saying “the institutions are holding.” Holding what, exactly? A séance? Because democracy’s looking like the guest of honor at its own funeral.

The courts are doing their best, bless their procedural little hearts, firing off rulings like flare guns into a hurricane. And the executive looks up and says, “Cute opinion, judge. Now watch me sue your courthouse for existing.” That’s not a balance of powers — that’s a toddler suing the babysitter for enforcing bedtime.

You’ve got ICE buying armored vehicles, “friendly” National Guard units being quietly stationed in “unfriendly” states, and a president who treats the law like a dare. But sure, tell me again how “checks and balances” will save us. Checks are bouncing, balances are overdrawn, and the Republic’s credit score just tanked.

And the people — oh, the people — we love to say they’ll rise up. But rise up how, exactly? With what? A hashtag? A sternly worded letter to the editor while drones circle overhead? Half the country’s too scared to speak, the other half’s too busy praying for rapture or merch drops.

And the MAGA faithful? They don’t give a damn about “legitimacy.” They think democracy’s a reality show that got canceled when their favorite character lost. They’ll chant “lock her up” and “hang the judge” in the same breath, then call themselves patriots because they stood next to a flag while doing it.

Meanwhile, Congress is on vacation — indefinitely. Speaker “Little Mikey” Johnson’s got the House locked up tighter than a Trump NDA. He’s not governing; he’s ghosting democracy. The Founders wrote three branches, not one executive and two decorative potted plants.

And yet, the pundits say, “A full authoritarian state takes time.” Yeah? Tell that to history. Rome didn’t fall in a day, but it sure started with a Senate that stopped showing up.

We’re already through every stage of erosion:

The legislature sidelined.

The judiciary defied.

The agencies militarized.

The people pacified.

The propaganda divinized.

We’re down to the final stage: the divine right of the dumbass. When Steve Bannon starts calling the President “an instrument of divine will,” you’re not in a democracy anymore — you’re in a cult with a nuclear arsenal.

And they’re talking about a third term like it’s divine destiny. “Don’t worry,” they say. “We’ll define the terms.” Yeah, define this: “No person shall be elected… more than twice.” It’s written right there in the Constitution — in English, even. But apparently, that’s just “a suggestion.” Next thing you know, they’ll be rewriting it in crayon with a Sharpie footnote: “Unless God says it’s cool.”

They say the people won’t stand for it. Buddy, the people can’t stand anything anymore — gas prices, book bans, reality. They’ll shrug, scroll, and send thoughts and prayers while the Republic’s on ventilator support.

And ICE? They’re not rounding up immigrants anymore — they’re auditioning for a domestic army. “Law and order,” they call it. Funny how law disappears the minute order arrives.

We keep telling ourselves it can’t happen here. That’s the national motto now — “Can’t happen here.” It’s the same thing every collapsing democracy says, right before it does.

But here’s the punchline: it’s already happening. We’ve got divine rhetoric, militarized agencies, a neutered legislature, and a judiciary that’s being sued for doing its job. That’s not a hypothetical slide — that’s a landing.

And when the next election gets “defined” into infinity and Dear Leader announces his “ordained third term,” we’ll all be expected to clap. Not because we believe it. Because we’re afraid not to.

We used to pledge allegiance to a Republic. Now we pledge fealty to a brand. The flag’s still there — fluttering over the ruins —but if you squint real hard, you can almost see the logo underneath: “Faith, Flags, and Fascism — Now Serving Unlimited Terms.”