George on Stage, Mic in Hand, Full Throttle:
So the FOTUS is being sued.
Not by the Justice Department.
Not by a whistleblower.
By Elmo.
ELMO, motherfuckers.
Red. Furry. Adorable. Elmo.
We have officially hit the bottom of the satirical barrel, and they’re still drilling.
You know things are bad when a literal puppet goes, “Yeah, this shit’s unconstitutional, I’m calling my lawyer.”
And why is Elmo suing?
Because President Donnie Tantrum is out here swinging at PBS like it’s part of Antifa.
He’s defunding public broadcasting.
Screaming about “indoctrination” and “bias.”
Bias?! The man watches cable news like it’s a loyalty test and he’s worried Big Bird might vote blue!
He pulled $78 million in grants for educational programming— because you know, when kids are learning the alphabet and how to count, that’s clearly a threat to national security.
This administration has beef with Sesame Street.
Let me say that again.
THE PRESIDENT IS BEEFING WITH SESAME STREET.
This is not politics anymore. This is a fucking Saturday morning cartoon scripted by fascists.
He’s out here yelling “WOKE!” at puppets.
At puppets.
And you know what Elmo did?
Elmo sued his ass.
Elmo rolled up in federal court like,
“Excuse me, Your Honor, I’d like to file a motion to stop this authoritarian bullshit.”
Because apparently, if you teach kids to love their neighbors and use their words, you’re now part of a radical socialist agenda.
And the best part?
Elmo’s not even real.
He’s suing as a legal entity owned by Sesame Workshop.
So now corporate Muppets have to go to bat for democracy, because Congress is too busy measuring tax cuts and performing cosplay on C-SPAN.
This is what it takes now.
Elmo, a literal squeaky-voiced muppet, is the moral compass of the Republic.
What’s next? Cookie Monster files an injunction against the Department of Agriculture?
Big Bird subpoenas Marjorie Taylor Greene for crimes against reality?
And let’s be clear—this isn’t about saving money.
It’s about control.
You don’t defund PBS because it’s expensive. You defund it because it doesn’t bow.
Because PBS won’t run twenty-minute puff pieces on how Trump is actually a misunderstood stable genius with strong bone structure and the energy of a thousand eagles.
And now he wants to silence them.
Like he silences scientists.
And journalists.
And voters.
And facts.
George out.
And if you’re more threatened by a muppet with a legal team than a president with a vendetta against facts?
You deserve to be ruled by a cartoon.
