"Application Denied"

The loan officer smiled like he’d been trained to do it.

 Not too wide. Not too long. Just enough to suggest empathy without commitment.

“I’m afraid your application doesn’t meet our revised qualifications.”

Mira blinked. “Which part?”

He flipped through the sleek, black tablet on his desk like it might offer divine guidance. “Credit score’s fine. Income’s stable. You’ve got a perfect payment history. It’s… more of a risk model issue.”

“Risk model?”

“It’s proprietary. Algorithmic.” He smiled again, with less sincerity this time. “We don’t control the formula. It’s just the system.”

She sat straighter in the cheap chair. “So, what’s the actual reason? Because I’m a single mom? Because I left an abusive marriage and took my name off the joint account that tanked?”

He shrugged. “It’s not personal.”

“Right,” she said softly. “It’s mathematical prejudice.”

“I—” He hesitated. “I don’t make the rules.”

“No,” Mira said. “But someone made them. And someone made you follow them.”

He tapped something on the screen. “Would you like a copy of the denial letter?”

“No,” she said, standing. “I know what it’ll say.”

Application denied.Eligibility not met.No evidence of intentional discrimination.

She walked out through glass doors etched with the bank’s slogan:

Opportunity for Everyone.

In the parking lot, a mother and daughter clutched hands and ran toward the bus stop, the girl’s backpack bouncing.

Mira didn’t cry.

She never cried at rejection. That’s how they won.

She just got in her car, turned the ignition, and whispered to the empty passenger seat:

“Okay. Plan B.”

Because she didn’t need their rules.

 She just needed a way around them.

THAT WAS FICTION. What follows is not.

⚖️ Legal Disclaimer

 This is satirical commentary in the unmistakable, uncensored voice of George Carlin: smart, pissed off, and swinging. If you’re offended by words more than by policies that hurt people? Congratulations—you’re the reason this rant exists.

This targets public figures and public policy. If you're upset, talk to your conscience—or better yet, your senator.

🎤 "Disparate Impact? We Can’t See It, So It Must Not Exist!"

 A George Carlin-Style Rant on the Trump Admin’s Latest Attack on Reality

So, let’s talk about disparate impact—the idea that you can’t accidentally bulldoze people’s rights and then say:

“Oops! I didn’t know the bulldozer was racist!”

It’s one of the few tools we’ve had to say:

• “Hey, your neutral-looking policy is fing people over.***”
• “Your job requirements that exclude women? Disparate impact.”
• “Your loan algorithms that lock out Black neighborhoods? Disparate impact.”
• “Your quietly enforced rules that screw single moms, disabled folks, and immigrants? DISPARATE. FING. IMPACT.***”

But now, the Trump administration says:

“Nah. Intent is all that matters. If we didn’t mean it, it didn’t happen.”

Oh really?

Then I guess if I shoot at your feet “accidentally,” I don’t owe you a new set of toes, right?

🧨 You Know What This Is?

 It’s legalized willful ignorance.

It’s corporate plausible deniability with a red, white, and blue stamp.

It’s the government saying:

“If our discrimination is subtle enough to pass the vibe check, we’re good.”

You think they’re targeting the rich?

Nope.

 They’re coming for women who need credit.

 They’re coming for Black families trying to get mortgages.

 They’re coming for immigrants, trans folks, disabled folks, single parents, domestic violence survivors, and anyone who wasn’t born into the club and handed the damn keycard.**

🕰️ And Don’t You Dare Call It “New.”

 This isn’t a new policy.

It’s segregation with a spreadsheet.

It’s redlining with nicer fonts.

It’s “separate but equal” with terms and conditions.

We’ve seen this before:

• Women denied mortgages unless their husband cosigned.
• Credit cards refused because the algorithm didn’t “see you as profitable.”
• Black applicants turned down because “we hire based on culture fit.”

Oh yeah. ***That culture? It’s white, male, cis, Christian, and dumber than a jar of mayonnaise in a sauna.

💼 The Language Is the Tell

 This EO is titled something like “Restoring Legal Clarity to Civil Rights Law.”

Clarity?

That’s like calling a Molotov cocktail a candle with enthusiasm.

You’re not restoring clarity.

You’re rewriting the dictionary so racism can pass as realism, and sexism gets rebranded as “financial conservatism.”

And the worst part?

They’ll call this progress.

“We’re simplifying the law!”

Sure.

And my fist in your face is ‘simplifying’ your dental plan.

🧨 Final Thought?

 They want to kill disparate impact because disparate impact holds them accountable.

And the last thing this gang of grifters, cronies, and PowerPoint fascists wants?

Accountability.

So they’re pulling the plug on one of the few tools we had to prove the system is broken ON PURPOSE.

And they’re saying, “Well, if we can’t see the harm... it must not be there.”

You know what else you can’t see?

Radioactivity.

But it still kills you.

So go ahead—take away the warnings.

 Scrub the data.

 Pretend equality is already solved.

Just don’t act surprised when people start burning sht down to get noticed.*