“Dear Harvard, We’re Dumb, Vindictive, and Can’t Spell.”

—A love letter from Linda McMahon and the Thought Police.

So, Linda McMahon—yes, that Linda, the one who made a fortune on scripted violence and spandex wedgies—is now moonlighting as the Secretary of Education. She sends Harvard a letter so full of legal overreach and basic grammatical carnage that it should’ve been delivered with a red Sharpie and an apology to Strunk & White.

And what’s the reason for this bureaucratic temper tantrum? Alleged antisemitism, of course! Because when you want to gut academic freedom and score political points, wrapping your vendetta in the flag of moral outrage is a time-tested American classic. Right up there with apple pie and drone strikes.

But here’s the thing—she forgot to actually mention antisemitism in the damn letter!

 No, really. The whole letter is supposedly about Harvard being a breeding ground for hate, and they forgot to say what kind of hate until reporters asked.

That’s not policy. That’s performance art.

 It’s the legislative version of saying “You know what you did” and slamming the door.

And then—oh baby—then Harvard did the most Ivy League thing possible: they returned the letter with tracked changes.

I mean, come on. This is the greatest academic clapback since Newton said, “I invented calculus, bitch.”

But let’s not get distracted by the typo tally—this isn’t about grammar, it’s about power.

 This is the Department of Education saying, “Nice endowment you’ve got there. Be a shame if someone… cut it off.”

 It’s a shakedown in MLA format.

And let me ask you:

Since when does the federal government investigate who a university lets speak on campus?

 Since never, that’s when. Because in America, we used to believe that freedom of speech was for everybody—even if you wore a keffiyeh, even if you quoted Karl Marx, even if you had tenure.

But now? If your students chant the wrong slogan or your faculty tweets the wrong hashtag, the government shows up like a mob boss with a thesaurus and a grudge.

“We’re not telling you what to teach—we’re just saying we’ll defund you if we don’t like it.”

That’s not policy. That’s authoritarianism with a spell-check.

And let’s talk lawsuits. Because Harvard’s hitting back. First Amendment violations? Abuse of executive authority? Threats of retaliation? It’s like the Bill of Rights and an ethics textbook threw a brick through Linda’s office window.

But this administration doesn’t care about lawsuits. They don’t care about the Constitution. Hell, they don’t care about literacy.

 What they care about is control.

 Control of speech. Control of thought.

 Control of you.

So here’s your final exam question, class:

 When the government punishes universities for what they say, who’s next?

The answer?

Everyone.

“If you’re looking for the land of the free,” George would’ve said, “try Canada. But don’t forget—they’re checking people at the exit now, too.”