⚠️ SATIRE DISCLAIMER (NOW WITH EXTRA TIRED SPINES)

 This is stand-up satire, not gardening advice. If you think leveling legacy and turning public spaces into private bragging rights is leadership, good luck with your evening tea party on asphalt.

So here’s what happened—

They ripped out Jackie Kennedy’s historic Rose Garden lawn, bulldozed it, and turned it into a flashy, flat concrete patio.

Why? Because high heels and wet grass apparently offend Trump more than rubbing out history does. And don’t forget: he’s tossing in big-ass flagpoles—“paid for by Trump,” he reminds us—like he’s laying down “America First” in limestone and steel.

You know what this is?

It’s authority on hard mode.

It’s “we don’t like culture, we don’t do nuance—we do strip-mall chic.”

It’s the same guy who thinks welfare is for freeloaders but doesn't blink about wiping out decades-old heritage to build a private‑club vibe at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

Let’s run through this:

• Jackie and Bunny Mellon carved that spot into history in the ’60s.
• First Lady Garden nerds and historians wept when Melania overhauled it in 2020.
• Now Trump’s back at it, bulldozing the rest, killing the soul, and setting the stage for a White House Ballroom meets Mar‑a‑Lago.

Because nothing screams “public service” like paving over memory to install flagpoles and gold trimmed insanity.

And the kicker?

He can crow all he wants: “It’s better for events, high heels, drainage!”

 Yet can’t manage a plan for veterans, cancer research, or—hell—even real infrastructure.

 He can’t keep grass alive but can tear it out faster than he can tweet about himself.

This isn’t renovation. It’s personal branding by destruction.

 He’s not building a legacy. He’s burying one — in concrete and hubris.

Goodnight—if you can still find a patch of green.