⚖️ Legal Disclaimer

 This is a satirical commentary in the style of George Carlin. If you're DHS, ICE, or just a red-hatted bureaucrat with a clipboard and a confused moral compass—yes, we're talking about you. Public figures, public policy, public consequences. If it stings, maybe fix the fing system***.

🎤 "Born in the USA? Prove It, Or Pack Your Sh*t"

 A George Carlin-Style Rant on Deporting American Citizens

So here we go again.

The Department of Homeland Security—America’s favorite paranoid uncle with a budget and a badge—just told a bunch of actual, documented, born-on-U.S.-soil citizens to get the f out.***

You heard me.

• Born in L.A.? Too bad.
• Raised in Connecticut? Tough luck.
• Practicing attorney from Massachusetts? Hasta la vista, baby.

Because some DHS jackass with a glitchy database and a God complex hit “send all” on a self-deportation email like it was a f***ing newsletter.

📬 “Dear American: Get Out.”

 Can you imagine opening your inbox and finding that sh*t?

“Hi there! According to our records, you live here legally, were born here, work here, pay taxes here, vote here, and probably own a Costco card—but we’d like you to leave anyway. Sincerely, The Department of WTF.”

It’s not immigration enforcement anymore.

It’s bureaucratic roulette with a trigger-happy finger and a broken data filter.

🧑‍⚖️ Oh, and the People Getting These Emails?

 They’re immigration attorneys.

 They’re doctors.

 They’re activists.

 They’re the goddamn legal professionals who know their rights better than the DHS intern with a clipboard full of bad information.

What happened?

Some glitch.

 Some technical error.

 Some oopsie with consequences.

But they still haven’t fired anybody.

They haven’t fixed the system.

Because in this America—you don’t get held accountable.

 You get promoted to Florida.

👮 "Lawful" Deportations of Citizens?

 And it’s not just emails.

• Jose Hermosillo, a 19-year-old U.S. citizen with intellectual disabilities, got detained for 10 days by Border Patrol.
• Kilmar Abrego Garcia, legally ordered NOT to be deported, was kicked out anyway. The judge called it “wholly lawless.”
•  Which, in government-speak, means “we don’t give a f.”***

These aren’t accidents.

They’re policy.

 They’re intentional.

 They’re warning shots.

🎯 This Isn’t About Mistakes—It’s About Messaging

 You think this is all just glitches?

Hell no.

It’s a message:

“You might think you belong here. You might even be born here. But we get to decide. Not the Constitution. Not the courts. Us. The big boys with the guns and the government email addresses.”

You know what that is?

That’s not “national security.”

That’s proto-fascism with a Search bar.

🧨 Final Thought?

We’re deporting citizens.

Not by accident.

 Not by confusion.

 But by design.

Because if you can strip a citizen of their rights with one glitch and a shrug…

You don’t have a border crisis.

 You’ve got a constitutional crisis dressed up in khakis and a f***ing name badge.

And me?

I’m not surprised.

Because this country loves paperwork more than it loves people.

 Loves control more than it loves truth.

 And sure as hell loves deporting someone more than it loves admitting it fed up.***

And don’t come at me with "that’s not the America I know."

It is.

It’s always been.

It’s just louder now. Meaner. More efficient.

And if you think you’re safe?

Let me remind you:

They already deleted the Budapest Memorandum, they already tried to strip birthright citizenship, and now they’re testing the waters on citizen deportation.

You’re next, genius.

So yeah—go ahead. Keep trusting the system.

 Just don’t act surprised when the system shows up at your door and says:

“Sorry. You were born here. But we don’t believe you.”